Being a groomsman is a big deal. This is because it shows how close your relationship with the groomsman is that you would want him to witness one of the most important covenants you’ll make in your life.
For most dads, picking them to be your groomsmen is the best thing you could ever do for them. Other dads are okay with leaving the spot for your peers. This is why it’s important to know your dad and to ask him beforehand.
In this article, we will talk about the considerations when choosing your dad as your groomsman, and also how to make the most of the experience.
Can Your Dad Be Your Best Man?
Yes, your dad can be your groomsman. However, you have to ask him first, either directly or through someone else. You can even ask through a story or suggestion if you wouldn’t want to address the matter with him blatantly. Other people prefer to ask him through other members of the family, such as a sibling, or one of his close acquaintances. The point is, do not surprise him with this position.
Considerations for Choosing Your Dad as a Groomsman
Roles and Responsibilities
For you to first consider your dad for this role, you need to understand the tasks and expectations of a groomsman. A groomsman is required to help the groom get ready for the wedding, from planning the cake and suit to preparing the decorations. They are also expected to be with the groom before the wedding day to help him get through any nervousness or tension before heading to the venue.
Other responsibilities are reminding the groom to carry important documents such as the marriage certificate or any other important items he may need. With all these responsibilities, the groomsman has to be sharp, available, reliable, know the groom in and out, and be a great shoulder to lean on. Look for these qualities in your dad if you would like him to be your groomsman.
Family Dynamics
Different families have different dynamics. Some families have open communication, healthy conflict resolution, and clear expectations from each other. If your family is of this type, then having your dad as your groomsman will not be a big issue. This is because your dad is mature emotionally and will know the best ways to handle any situation that will come up during your wedding period.
However, if your family experiences some tension or if your dad lacks the qualities that we have mentioned above, such as compassion and reliability, then you should pick another groomsman. Doing this will help you avoid disappointments, sadness, or even anger that may affect your whole mood during your special day.
Balancing Tradition and Personal Preference
For your wedding party composition, you need to balance tradition and personal preference. You can do this by listening to your dad’s traditional suggestions for a groomsman’s roles, responsibilities, and dress codes, while also letting your more modern personal views come to life. Many fathers will make suggestions or do things based on how they see things get done in their time.
Because they are an authority figure in the family, you may find that their suggestions suppress yours if you let them have their way too much. When they overstep, simply politely let them know, and then insert your ideas, too. If you know your dad to not as open-minded, it’s better to let him remain a wedding guest
How to Make It Work
Communicating Your Decision
In this section, we will show you some tips on how to discuss this decision with your father, family members, and other groomsmen. When the idea of having your dad comes to your mind, it isn’t a must for you to tell your dad in the first person.
If your dad is traditional and closed-minded, or you’re not sure of how he’ll react, first tell someone with wisdom who can advise you accordingly, such as your mom, siblings, or best friends. If they give you the nod, communicate the news to your dad when he’s in a calm mood, so that any arising concern or issue can be discussed amicably.
However, if you feel open to your dad, you can freely ask him to be your best man. Most people ask their fathers this question in a simple and not ceremonial way(but you can do it how you want to).
Defining Roles
Now that you want your dad as your groomsman and not father-of-the-groom, you need to clearly define to him his roles and tasks. Most dads forget that they cannot handle both, and may find themselves catering to both roles. This may be helpful for them but it may confuse them.
You can delineate the responsibilities between traditional father-of-the-groom duties and groomsmen tasks by first explaining your dad’s roles to him. In the explanation, remember to add on the importance of his role. Also mention that every role is cumbersome in its way, so sticking to his assigned role will ensure the other isn’t neglected.
Telling him these facts in love will make him understand and respect you and the wedding to not overstep. Sometimes when he feels like overstepping, remind him of the undone groomsmen roles he hasn’t completed yet to help him focus.
If he will be okay with someone else being the father of the groom walking you down the aisle then you can do that. But do not do that if he will feel angry or disrespected about it.
Incorporating Tradition
Your dad will most likely still want his ideas incorporated into the wedding regardless of his role. You can bend the rules a bit so that he feels honored and seen. You can honor your father’s unique role in the wedding by allowing him to walk you down the aisle and be your groomsman.
Walking you down the aisle looks like a simple task to do, but it’s usually every father’s dream from the time you’re in childhood. As long as he solely sticks to his groomsmen’s roles before and after that, then it’s a great way of honoring your dad.
Other traditions your dad can take part in are paying for the rings and honeymoon, hosting the rehearsal dinner, and giving words of encouragement to you. These roles are not so engaging and won’t burden him when combined with his groomsmen roles.
Making the Most of the Experience
Pre-Wedding Activities
Most of the groomsman’s pre-wedding roles are fun to do. These are activities, such as suit shopping, tastings, and planning sessions. Having your dad accompany you to these things will be a fun bonding time for you. For the tastings, you can bring some cake or wine home with you to discuss more on it because food always makes the fun increase.
When it comes to picking wedding items such as the cake, suit, and decorations, ensure that you don’t let all his opinions suppress yours. Many dads may forget that it’s your wedding, not theirs. When this happens, politely suggest your style then move on to the next thing.
Day-of Roles
On the wedding day, revise your dad’s roles with him and how he is to do them. Last-day jitters can be overwhelming but having helpful and reliable people around you can help you get through the nervousness.
Your dad can handle and check on any undone thing on the day off and assign the corrections to the right personnel. This will give him room to also be by your side the whole time as your emotional support.
Special Moments
Special moments you can share with your dad on the wedding day include the cake cutting, dancing session, and photo session. There are still other moments other than this that can be memorable.
Ask your photographer to pay attention to the key moments and capture everyone. You can create and send your dad the wedding album full of his fun and even cute moments for a lasting memorable feeling.
Conclusion
We hope this article has shown you how to go about asking and having your dad as your groomsman. These tips will ensure that you have a great father for a wedding groomsman and a conflict-free wedding.
You need to realize that your dad’s role as a groomsman may put some pressure on him, so remember to be kind and empathetic. He may need to talk about it or share his opinions. Be ready to be welcoming and polite in your decline of something. He may also naturally want to handle both groomsmen and father-of-the-groom roles, so keep an eye on him and relieve him from anything that will be too much for him or cause confusion in other roles.
Your consideration, empathy, and kindness during this time will make your bond even stronger while making the wedding planning enjoyable. It will also reduce the lingering pressure.
You can get your dad these personalized engraved groomsmen cufflinks with a box to serve as a sentiment. These are stainless steel cufflinks that come with a tie clip too. They are personalized with your dad’s initials and packed in a classy way. The box is wooden and engraved with your dad’s name, role, and date of the wedding. They will become one of your dad’s favorite keepsakes to remind him of one of the best days he’s had with you.
